My desk is beside the window overlooking Anglesey Road in sunny Burton upon Trent, England. I sat down at my desk early on Sunday morning. Everything was peaceful and quiet with no traffic noise to ignore while I, as usual, prepared to pretend to be a writer. It keeps me off the streets and I am harming nobody. Suddenly, I saw a large teddy bear standing across the street, just scratching his bum, as I imagine all bears do. The bear had a large white piece of paper taped across his chest bearing (get it?) the message; ‘BUY FRESH STEAKS HERE’ followed by a shop address. How odd, why would a large bear advertise fresh meat for sale in a street where there was not another soul in sight and absolutely no traffic at all?
The bear suddenly unsrewed his head to reveal another head with a distinctly West Indian appearance. This was becoming curiouser and curiouser as Alice said. The bear then tucked his head under his arm, looked around to check if anybody was watching, then marched smartly out of site behind a low brick built building owned by the electricity company. I imagine the bear needed to pee as all bears do. Just then a huge yellow duck wandered into view and also removed it’s head revealing another distinctly European type of head. I assumed it was looking for the bear. Then the duck decided it also needed to pee and waddled off behind the brick building as well.
What a strange and wonderful happening and I was the only witness. I could hardly wait to tell my friends, if I had some, or at least post something on Twitter. This would easily compete with news about the eclipse of the sun.