#LISSEN. Anniversary time for Andy.

12 May

Today is my anniversary of turning up (late!) to join the ranks of The Kings Own Scottish Borderers at the depot in Berwick on Tweed to serve my National Service for Queen and Country. The year was 1955. Geez that’s 62 years ago, I’d better sit down. This pic shows me as a smart wee soldier at the end of basic training. I am the good looking one seated, second left. Travel, variety, excitement and growing up with a bunch of new friends was in store for Wee Andy. Och, I’m away down Memory Lane again.

 

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#LISSEN. More tips to help avoid Shit Creek.

8 May

Dave,Hutch,Andy and Jock.

One way to avoid paddling up any of life’s Shit Creeks would be to hang with a bunch of old friends, preferably musicians. You can see that this bunch of old guys look a wee bit rough at the edges but don’t be misled. Dave, Hutch, Andy and Jock have all been round the musical block more than a few times. Each one of us broke into the music scene way back in the late fifties/early sixties and have lots of tales to tell about avoiding shit creek situations. You can read some of my stories at the link below;

 

Andy Wishart.   (Made in Scotland).

@andycelt1

Series of interesting wry Daze memoirs from Scotland. YouTube link ;

#LISSEN. Down Memory Lane.

22 Apr

Down Memory Lane with Andy. Here is pic of entrance to Fish Market Close in the Royal Mile, Edinburgh. Our drummer Dave would back our band wagon down this steep and narrow close leading to Bungies Club where The Andy Russell (me) Seven would play the night away every Sunday thru till Monday a.m.  Ah the good old early sixties days (and nights). I borrowed the last name Russell from a friend cos if we were paid by cheque, it would be payment for the entire band plus transport costs. I had no desire to explain to the tax man that each cheque was not for me alone. Yet another Shit Creek situation avoided. You can learn more about Andy’s old daze at link below;

Series of interesting wry Daze memoirs from Scotland. YouTube link ;

#LISSEN. MORE AVOIDING SHIT CREEK HINTS.

25 Mar

THIS WEEK’S HINT. By all means form a rock ‘n roll band to pass the time away. However, make sure you do not follow my mistake of playing sax beside two of the tallest members in the band performing at The Place Club in Edinburgh. They make me look awful wee. It helps if you can pick out the good looking one.

Hours of fun can be had playing numbers like Johnny be Good in the Chuck Berry style (or close).

Goodbye and thanks Chuck.

Series of interesting wry Daze memoirs from Scotland. YouTube link ;

Andy Wishart. (Made in Scotland).

@andycelt1

 

LISSEN. Book accepted by Radio Crystal !

1 Mar

dfw-aw-med-cover-thumb My audio version of wartime memoirs, My Early Daze by Andrew Wishart, has been accepted by Radio Crystal broadcasting over the South of Midlothian region of Scotland. My wee, daft book will be sectioned and broadcast weekly on Radio Crystal’s ‘BOOK CORNER’.  I will let you know the starting date and broadcasting wavelength closer to the time.

Andy Wishart.  (Made in Scotland).

@andycelt1

Series of interesting wry Daze memoirs from Scotland. YouTube link ;

Award Winner.

18 Feb

scan0166Front cover Thumbnail

WINNER OF THE AWARD FOR MOST INVENTIVE  BIRTHDAY CARD IS MY NEIGHBOUR KAY KINSELLA.!!

Kay took the front cover for my eBook of memoirs, My Army Daze by Andrew Wishart and used the theme to win the most original birthday card competition. Well done Kay.

Details of my other books and memories can be reached at this link;

Andy Wishart.  (Made in Scotland).

@andycelt1

Series of interesting wry Daze memoirs from Scotland. YouTube link ;

#LISSEN. AVOID A SHIT CREEK SITUATION.

29 Jan

big coo HELPING PEOPLE TO AVOID THE SHIT CREEKS IN LIFE

‘I managed to locate the five barred gate to the correct field in the dark. Ian and I climbed over to attempt to select a suitable turnip. I decided we should take a couple of turnips in case one was not suitable and we soon uprooted a couple which seemed to fit the bill.

We straightened up holding the turnips and both of us gave a loud yell of sheer terror. A horrible head with huge horns suddenly appeared over the stone wall bordering one side of the field and was silhouetted against the rising moon. It must be the horned god come to claim and punish us for our bad deed, it almost prompted a panicky evacuation of the bowels. We were spared the horrors of trying to explain the sudden outbreak of soiled short trousers to Mummy when the curious cow looking over the stone wall made a re-assuring mooing noise.

Too late, we realised the silhouette with wicked horns we had seen by the light of the October moon was only a cow and not the Devil come to claim us.

The panic induced fear had us by the horns. We were soon over that gate and running down the road in the inky darkness the direction of home, panic stricken but luckily our small fists were still clutching our turnip loot as we rapidly headed blindly for home, safety and Mummy’.

MOTTO. Buy your own turnips for Halloween and leave the poor old farmer alone. Other helpful advice can be gleaned at the links below;

Andy Wishart. Made in Scotland.

@andycelt1

Series of interesting wry Daze memoirs from Scotland. YouTube link ;

#LISSEN. How to avoid earning a slap on the head.

3 Jan

monster6DANGER. MONSTER LURKING IN LIFE’S SHIT CREEK.

 

HOW TO AVOID EARNING A SLAP ON THE HEAD.

WEE ANDY’S BIG FIRE.

 

I guess I was around three years old about the time when, just like our ancestors, we discovered fire. Yes, I realise all of our houses were heated by open coal fires. We were all familiar with coal fires but these could be hot and dangerous things only tended by mothers and strictly out of bounds to wee boys.

Although, I clearly remember having an urgent need to pee when I was standing beside our open fire in the front room late one winter afternoon when the nights were drawing in. The bathroom was down the lobby, the light switch for the lobby was beside the front door and it seemed quite a long dark and rather scary distance away from the safe living room.

Necessity is the mother of invention as they say. I had the bright idea which would enable me to stay put in the safety of the warm and well lit living room. Why not just pee into the fire, surely the pee-pee would just disappear? Mum was busy in the kitchen and nobody would know. What a great idea.

No sooner said than done but I was not expecting the great whoosh of steam and the loud hissing noise which shot from the burning coals in the open fire. That was not the only thing that shot into our living room. My mother burst in from the kitchen, alarmed at the noise and steam to find me, terrified but unable to stop peeing into the fire till the wee-wee  had all stopped.

However, I was surprised to discover that I could stop immediately when Mum slapped me round the back of my head – that soon brought it to an abrupt, if damp, end.

MOTTO. Avoid yet another Shit Creek situation. Do not pee into an open coal fire.

For farther details from Andy’s life adventures, please check out this link;

Andy Wishart.  (Made in Scotland).

@andycelt1

Series of interesting wry Daze memoirs from Scotland. YouTube link ;

#LISSEN. Beware Monsters.

7 Dec

monster4

Beware Lurking Monsters if you accidentally blunder up one of life’s Shit Creeks.

The following is an extract from my book, My Early Daze by Andrew Wishart. This is a wry memoir book describing my growing up years during the 1940’s in wartime Scotland food rationing when there were no sweets or candies available. We had seen pictures of exotic foreign fruits like bananas and pineapples, but that was as close as we could get. There was a war on.

‘There was a disaster one afternoon when, owing to time lost on our shopping expedition hoping to locate some apples rumoured to be for sale at the local greengrocers. We arrived back at the movie theatre or, The Picture Hoose, as we called it, when most of the other kids had already been admitted to the Saturday matinee. We had to sit in the only unfilled seats immediately behind the front row of ‘one penny scratchers’ where the dreaded Murphy brothers were always seated.

The house lights were already dimmed when the usher Frank Foley barked at us to hurry up, indicating with his bright flashlight the only available seats still vacant. The four of us tumbled gratefully into the seats located very close to the big screen and prepared to watch the already running Gaumont British Newsreel which was not exactly filled with patriotic news of British military victories at this stage of World War 2. in 1943.

We rubbed our apples on our sleeves to cleanse them of any possible germs then sank our young teeth gratefully into the fruit which resulted in a bright crunching noise. In front of us, in the dark, four closely and badly cropped heads swiveled round, in unison we heard,”Giez yer runt!”

It was the dreaded four Murphy brothers. Their mother always cut their hair, even in the dark their skulls stood out in menacing silhouette against the big film screen. Our pleasure of eating the apples was immediately postponed. The Murphy’s were requesting that we should hand over our apple cores when we had finished eating. God help us if we handed over any apple without leaving a generous amount of fruit still on the apple.

We had never actually seen the Murphy’s beating anybody up but their reputation was enough for us. The four of us each took a small perfunctory bite from our apples before handing them over virtually untouched to the ruffians in the row in front.

I guess we were looking at our almost untouched apples as a kind of insurance payment against any violence in the future. We did a wee bit of rebellious muttering about Frank Foley who had ushered us into this scary seat situation in the first place but we knew when we were beat’.

The moral of this wee story is Be Prepared. Of course we could have avoided blundering up yet another one of life’s Shit Creek accidents if we had the foresight to eat our precious apples before we reached The Picture Hoose and would not have had our unfortunate brush with the dreaded Murphy brothers. Perhaps the loss of our precious and scarce apples would teach us a lesson but we were only six years old at that time.

More details of my books and video can be seen at the links below;

Andy Wishart. (Made in Scotland).

@andycelt1

Series of interesting wry Daze memoirs from Scotland. YouTube link ;

 

#LISSEN. How to avoid Shit Creek and earn free beers.

27 Nov

monster3 Here be Shit Creek Monster. (Fortean Times).

FREE BEERS.

I was wandering down Memory Lane today when I remembered my Grandfather Harry Mitchell. Harry had a knack for avoiding life’s Shit Creek Monster situations and emerging as a winner from many sticky happenings. Here is a wee story about Harry.

There was knock at Harry’s door one night. It was a neighbour who informed Harry that old Frank who lived alone nearby had been found dead, could Harry please come over because there was a bit of a problem with the dead body. Harry went to see how he could help and it was explained that the problem was with the shape of the body. Rigor mortise had set in and the body was firmly established with legs drawn up during sleep in a fetal position with knees now frozen and locked into place.

Nobody could straighten the legs now and how was Frank to be made to fit into a casket? His knees would stretch further than the width of a coffin if he was laid sideways and the lid would not fit if they placed him in the box lying on his back.

Harry quickly solved the problem. Old Frank’s body was still lying flat out on the bed, but with the offending knees pointing upwards to the ceiling. Quick as a flash, Harry jumped onto the bed beside the body and sat down, right onto the frozen knees. There was a loud crack, Harry tumbled onto the bed but the wrongly positioned and awkward legs had now been straightened, the coffin lid would fit in a respectable fashion and conform to the usual position for burial.

Problem solved and Harry was wheeched away to the pub round the corner where he was plied with many beers and the grateful thanks from old Frank’s relatives.

You will find other daft stories about Grandfather Harry and more wee wry Scottish tales by following the links below;

Andy Wishart.

@andycelt1

Series of interesting wry Daze memoirs from Scotland. YouTube link ;

 

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